Recluse

So at what point do you realize things are different? And at what point do you say enough is enough? When do you realize the problem and actually stand up and change it. I am definitely my worst enemy. I love talking and sharing things with people. It is very important to me to have someone to talk to about my art, my day, my thoughts, my feelings, to share my life with and to enjoy the experiences of their life as well. I miss that.. the feeling people take for granted. What its like to hug the one you love every morning and night, to eat dinner with them, to cuddle with them, to talk to them and see them. I miss having conversations with people. Unless I make plans to meet up with my friends during the week, I never see anyone because I have found a way to lock myself at home, I forget how nice it is to hear birds, leaves in the wind, cars, music, and the sound of other peoples laughter and talking. I miss having such a natural connection with someone. Someone that can understand what I am saying and actually want to talk about the same stuff as me. It upsets me so much when people change the topic from what I am trying to talk about. I am so interested in the senses of people and how we do not give them enough emphasis in life. I want to know what its like to not be able to feel for a day and see if my friends and loved ones around me would be intelligent enough to notice whats going on. I want my friends and loved ones to go mute for a day and be able to find different ways of communicating. I want all forms of technological communication in the world to stop working for a week and see how people respond. So many people think that having all these new cool things is better than having what we are born with. People don’t realize how out of shape they are, how slow their minds are, how dense they are, how conceited and selfish they are, they do not see beyond what is in front of them and they have forgotten how to use their brain, their common sense, and their mind for evaluating things. People get so use to having something that they forget what its like without it. And when all hell breaks lose and people realize all they have in life is their mind, body, and soul.. i am willing to bet that 40% wont be capable of survival, 50% will believe in a god to save them, and 10% of people will actually survive and rebuild the world. Anyways.. this is just a ramble. All I am really trying to say is that I am tired of feeling alone. I have noticed that even when I am with people sometimes I feel more alone than ever because people don’t understand me, or have so much going on in their own life that they forget I am there. And even then I am so busy just trying to listen to others, make them happy, prevent arguments, and get through the day that I don’t make time for myself and to say hey, why cant you listen to me, cater to me, talk to me about what I want to talk about, go where I want to go, ask about the adventures I seek.. I am not the type of person to just openly talk to people about my inner most desires. I am not this way to play games or to have a chase because I hate childish games like that. I am just not willing to share my life, thoughts, and feelings with people that don’t give them the time and attention that they deserve.

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