Strength Test

Some days are a bit more difficult than others. And on most I am curious as to whether or not I am pushing myself or if someone else is pushing me towards the anger and sadness I feel. But I always come to the same conclusion, I want to be a good person. I want to be a better version of myself. Today I asked myself if I pushed my god away from me. Did I pray to too many and ask too much of their time? Did I not ask the right God or are they mad at me because I cannot decide between them? These are the types of things I ask myself when I need strength. And then there are times when my friends come to my rescue by filling both my heart and tummy with joy. I am so extremely thankful to have the loved ones I do. Today has been very difficult, more trying than I would have expected and I think its because I have been holding back. I have been telling myself I am strong, stay focused, and then when something small happens I tend to get a bit more crazy than normal. I really want to work on that. I have been able to calm myself down a lot more saying that things could be worse. I have so much love in my world I could not imagine a reason big enough to be upset. So again, when I am being tested am I testing myself or is a higher power testing me? I am not sure I will ever find my answer to this, but I am certain that I will continue to improve on myself. I want to find the strength necessary to make it through each day. I am looking forward to the day when that strength is by my side each day. I have never felt more sure of my future and I cannot wait to live it out next to my love.


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