What does anything mean anymore

I do not cry. Most would see this as a good thing. But I am unsure what it means for my emotional state and how I view the world. Whenever something would bother me I use to get so upset to the point of tears. Or when something just wasn’t quite going the way I wanted. But now if something gets fucked up or causes a disagreement then I just say fuck the world it is what it is. I cried when Elizabeth’s mom passed away. When I talk to Kenny about the loss of his father and what he’s going through. I cried when I got to see Samantha and then had to leave. I cry sometimes when I think about how much I miss my friends. But otherwise I just don’t give as many fucks as I use to. This means less crying. Maybe it’s a good thing, but I feel unstable because I feel the need to cry, but cannot. Maybe it’s just a matter of comfort and anger makes me too uncomfortable so to cry would only make me weaker. I don’t know.. I just don’t know.

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