Starting Over

I can honestly say this has to be the most difficult thing I have done to date. To start life over causes so much more pressure than I ever imagined. It has made me realize just how materialistic I have become. And I mean this in the sense of needing and wanting materials to be happy. I miss having my art supplies. I miss being able to create art. I miss being in a group of people all with their ideas aimed at creating aww inspiring things. But what I have most definitely realized is that this just may be the clean slate I have always needed. This is a chance for me to completely reinvent myself and the art I create. A chance to really think about what I want to do with my life, what am I good at, and what kind of career I will truly be happy in. I know that when I enter a bookstore I feel inspired and never want to leave. I know that when I enter a craft store I want four of everything in there. And I know that I love nature. But beyond that I am not sure what I can do with any of it. Of course the books for research, the store for supplies, and nature for inspiration, but what beyond that? Do I need to develop my business skills and get my own studio up and running, or do I need to focus on education and get into the teaching force? Because whenever I think about it I would really enjoy having my own store. A place to call my own. I could have a studio in the back where I make and store everything and then the front for display and sales to take place. I know I really want to do something with my hands and work on building my work. Maybe I should have done sculpture and ceramics instead of painting and ceramics. Whichever, I know I love to create with my hands and a store full of nothing but my vases, bowls, paintings, and various nature inspired decorations makes me just ecstatic. Even to have a room designated for teaching small classes for people in the community to learn how to build, glaze, and fire ceramics. To teach people how to create their own decorations. I don’t know just a thought. All of my thoughts I feel are years out of my hands, and not because of military life. I feel like my skills for the things I want are not present. I just wish I knew what type of program I needed to be in and what type of jobs I need to pursue in order to obtain the life I want. Beyond that dream I have been thinking of maybe doing counseling instead of teaching. I feel like maybe I would be able to make a larger impact on students if I were assisting them with their personal issues, their schedules and placing them in the appropriate classes, and overall being a lookout for what is best for the students. I am just wondering whether or not the change I want to make in the community would be better suited for administration or something more than teacher.. I am not really sure I just feel like teachers get pushed around more than they should be and they are not respected in the way in which they deserve to be. Granted, not all of them really deserve it, but for the most part I think they each deserve respect for the work they put in.

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