Some days are easier than others but for the most part I typically get sad at least 3-4 times a week since I’ve moved up here. And contrary to what people say about it being the state, it’s the people I don’t have with me that makes me so sad. I am so grateful that Jacob can listen to me and comfort me though. I didn’t talk about it for a while after we moved here but when I finally he did he already knew the things I was going to say because he felt the distance I had been forming from the sadness.
There is so much I have learned from this move. But most of all it’s the people that mean the most to me and the reasons they mean so much to me coming to surface tenfold.
I finally am able to explore, and have adventures like I have always wanted with someone who sees them to be as fun as I do and when I am nervous and hesitant about exploring or stopping somewhere he can motivate me to venture on. And I am always so happy I did.
Sometimes I just want everything to be different and other times I am the happiest where I am. But it’s so hard to see the big picture when I don’t have the chance to ever step back. Jacob asked me the other night if I wanted to be married to him and I cried harder than I ever thought was possible. It made me realize that the pain and sadness I am going through because of the change made him ask me that and be concerned of my intentions and feelings for him which is so upsetting.