Writing in this journal has become nothing but vague ramblings. There is only so much I can say without blowing my top. There is only so much a person can do to ask for emotion. The one thing I love most about friends are the connections you can make with them on topics you feel passionate about. It’s so inspiring to hang out with other people that care about the world and see it in the same light as I do. It’s so frustrating to listen to people complain about random shit when there is so much beauty to be shared. I wish my days could be filled with nothing but friends, at least then I would know I would be happy more often.
With that said, there are many levels of happiness. Having experiences and being able to enjoy many things in this world is quite grand, but actually having genuinely happy stories to recall from those trips with the people you experienced it with is key to all levels of happiness. It’s more than just doing something amazing, but actually enjoying it for what it is and not what everyone else will think of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my idea of happiness and other people’s ideas of happiness are even similar. But when I hang out with my friends, I know I am sane and asking for something real.
At the end of the day, if I make money and gain my independence back then hopefully the unhappiness, discomfort, and uneasiness will subside. But I am very concerned that with this regained independence it is going to display a truth I have been quite concerned about. Romance and true love will always out weigh material love.