On repeat

I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I want to feel sexy, I want to feel “in love”, I want to feel appreciated, I want to feel like I am good enough. And I just don’t feel these things.. What the hell is going on? Is it me? Is it you? Is it them? I mean what has changed to cause today to happen. I want to feel that overpowering dedication to call someone just to hear their voice. I want to experience the butterflies received at the beginning of something new. I want to feel the touch of someone brushing my skin just so they can touch me. I mean what happened to people being so happy just to lie next to each other. Getting turned on and excited by hearing someone’s laughter and wanting to make them smile. Where has everything gone and how do I get it back. You know at the end of the day I am always confused screaming and crying inside. But this doesn’t have to be the way it is. What happened to people wanting to share stories and experiences and memories until they realize they have been talking for hours without skipping a beat. These things exist because I have experienced them, but where have those moments gone? Nothing is ever easy, but every day shouldn’t be a fucking mile high hurdle just to attempt solace. You know there is so much out there and so many things to occupy ones mind, but none of that matters if you are experiencing it next to someone falling to pieces. Many days I think “fuck, I need a therapist” and then I realize what is upsetting me and its easy to see its that what I am asking for is not received. I want romance. I want happiness. I want desire so strong that its exciting to just see my requests answered.

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