Anger Management

I have always known I was an angry person, and I have always admitted it. I just never realized how terrible my anger issues were. I have always found a way to blame the rest of the world for my misfortunes and for the things that have happened to me. I have always found a way to make everyone else feel bad for the things that happened to me. And none of these things were my intentions, at least not what I really wanted out of my actions. I have always just wanted to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. I have always been a very creative and expressive individual and I didn’t want my anger to go unnoticed. But as I have aged I can only recall the destructive nature of my anger. I can track the path my anger has taken me, but I cannot recall all of the good memories that most can. I do not want to live in a negative world and I do not want to have the real issues of my anger unknown, but far beyond either of those I do not want my legacy to be my rendition of The Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I have done many things wrong in my life and I am not proud of any of them. So I have decided that I am going to write a letter or email to every single person that I have ever done something wrong to or has done something wrong to me and let them know what I wish I could have told them then, an honest apology and the reasons why I have resented and felt hatred for them. I am going to forgive those that have hurt me.. And just typing that makes me want to take it back because it is so hard to actually admit that I am going to forgive these people that have hurt me so much in so many ways, but I will. I have to do it because otherwise I am harboring this hatred for eternity and I am not interested in that type of pain. Especially not from someone that typically has no idea how much I do hurt from them. I recently read an article about anger and how to mange it and learn from it and the things I took away are as follows:

“Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can
quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind
yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just
experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time
you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more
balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness,
appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone
wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t
get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t
met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive
restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding
nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words,
saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand”
or “I must have” something. When you’re unable to get what you want,
you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment,
hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid
feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away.”

In addition I know now that when expressing my anger I must be assertive, but in a non aggressive manner. I must be constructive in explaining my frustrations, like using humor – but in a way that is not to avoid or completely suppress the anger. I can use exercise as a means to use my anger for good. I can create humorous art work to help myself feel better about situations. I can refrain from using curse words, foul language, and negative statements in conversation and overall become a more positive individual. And most of all I need to remember that timing and finding alternative solutions to situations will help me tremendously in this journey. The simple idea of having this type of task that I know is going to provide so much hope, forgiveness, and love makes me feel like a better person. But in reality, this is not just for me. More than me, this project is going to allow others to see how helpful it can be to forgive others, regardless of the time and situation.


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