I need to learn how to control these feelings. I need to learn how to get past these moments. I need a caretaker. I need a therapist. I need a motivator. I need to know that I exist. I am falling into a hole again. And I can honestly admit I am afraid. I have always had control, or what seemed to be control over these feelings. All my weight is in my mind, but the heaviness of the thoughts are keeping me down. I cannot live this way for much longer. I am losing sight of myself and who I am. I just want to get better. I want to wake up with a full heart rather than an aching one.