I really wonder what it’s going to take to get me out of this rut. I am smiling now, and laughing, capable of listening to my music, I have thoughts in my head for art I wish to make – but I still don’t seem to have the motivation I once had. I am so displaced in life right now. I am unsure that the art I have begun this year is actually what I want to be making. I feel like I need to repurpose some of my old work for their materials. Really kill them off.. So that I can move on. I need to know what I am trying to learn from my actions. But I just can’t seem to understand it. Why the clothing as canvas? Why acrylic instead of watercolor? Why abstraction? Why bright colors? Why am I doing anything and nothing at all? I need to write a new proposal. I need to bring my paintings to class and really evaluate them with my professor. I am all over the place and I do not understand what’s going on.. I just want to make art I am proud of. I want to make art so amazing that I feel justified in charging someone a lot of money for it. I like art to be reasonably priced so people can afford it, but my heart and soul goes into all my work and I want my collectors to know that they are buying a piece of me when they make a purchase for my art. I need to know that they are willing to pay for owning a part of me that no one else will ever know. Only them.