I am so confused as to how I have found myself here again. I do not know why I do this to myself. I know everyone deserves love, especially me considering what kind of lover I am. But sometimes I sincerely think that because I am so fucked up in the head and have had to endure the things I have that I am tainted. I am undeserving of love, and no man will ever be able to love me unconditionally. It seems like such an easy request when I ask for complete honesty, but people have learned to lie so well that when you ask for honesty it’s like pulling teeth. I think it’s ridiculous that because I am so honest, I am so faithful, and I am so devoted to my mates happiness that I appear to be a threat. Sometimes I feel like if I were a liar, cheater, selfish individual, or any other type of weak minded individual than I would have a great relationship. That then I could be accepted as normal, but because I am a very progressive person, but have traditional values – its like I am not understood or known how to be properly respected. Is it so much to ask for assurance when I am crying my eyes out? Is it so much to ask you to allow me inside? I know I am special. I know I am an amazing friend, lover, girlfriend – I know I deserve everything I ask for. Not because I am conceited, but because I know for a fact that I am a rare type of woman.