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It was the boyfriend. It is the city. It is the money. It isn’t the schooling. It isn’t the job. The boyfriend I consciously lost. The city I will never lose. The money is never mine. The schooling is mine. The job will change.

I will always be exactly who I am. I will always have control over my emotions. I will always have control over my art. I will always have control with who I spend my time. There are many things in life that I will have control over. And there are many things in life that I will not. I have come to a point where the things I know I cannot change are merely a waste of my time to worry about. I don’t like to worry when there is nothing I can do. The most I can do is write, just like I am now.

I worry about being self-destructive. I worry about reverting to bottling my feelings. I still worry. I want to find the root of my problems. I want to dominate it! I want to win for a change.

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I don’t want bullshit all over again. I don’t want to give in to another act. I don’t want to be who I’ve been.

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